Every day, my boyfriend calls me at about the same time each morning. We live about two hours away from each other, more or less depending on traffic, so this call is the first time I get to talk to him each day.
The other day, he didn’t call me when he normally does. I figured something had come up at work and didn’t think anything of it, at first.
When about two hours had passed, I started to get worried. So I tried calling him, twice, but no answer.
At this point, it would be totally normal for anyone to get at least a little worried. Did something happen? Is he okay? Was he in a car wreck?
But my anxiety took my mind wayyyyy farther than that. In about twenty minutes, a part of me was entirely convinced that he had decided to break up with me by ghosting me and that I may never see him again. I even checked Facebook to see if he had removed our photos or our relationship status from his profile.
About ten minutes later, he calls me. He had finished work earlier than usual and had decided to call me after he finished a few things so that he didn’t wake me up and then we could talk longer.
I tried to hold back and act normal, but emotion welled up inside of me that needed to be released. I could have easily taken my emotions out on him, getting angry with him for not calling me or texting me to let me know what was going on. This is what many people do when they haven’t yet discovered the truths of their soul, projecting out their emotions instead of reflecting within.
But I knew the truths behind my emotion. And I decided to give the emotion the space it needed. I allowed the tears, gushing with the relief that he hadn’t left, the sadness of imagining that reality, and the shame for even feeling that way in the first place.
His response was very kind, comforting, and calmly reassuring. I’ve shared my deep emotional wounds with him and he’s been oh so supportive of exactly who I am.
And he has never given me any reason to believe that he would ever disappear on me like that.
But those of us with abandonment wounds have an inner child overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. Who feels that she is unlovable, unworthy, not good enough. Who fears being ghosted at any time by anyone she loves.
In the past, I have let these fears and anxieties control me and keep me from truly letting someone in to my heart with the steel barricades down. Even people I thought I had loved and totally let in, I’ve now realized I never fully did. Until going through the emotional transformation and spiritual alignment of the past two years, I didn’t even know how.
I’ve intentionally opened my heart fully, going through soul journeys and breathwork and body movement exercises that were sensitive, uncomfortable, and even a bit emotionally painful at times, in order to open my heart and practice keeping it open.
And this process has allowed levels of sadness and fear and anxiety to come to the surface that had been hidden deep in my body and subconscious.
When they come up, they are intense. But allowing myself to feel them, to embrace the emotional pain and the crying and the hyperventilating when they come, then allows a part of me to be more fully healed. My heart and my body create new coordinates and the entire experience is over in less than an hour. When in the past, the same would have taken days.
Learning to allow your emotions, to embrace them, to target them in your body, and then to address the part of you that needs attention is such an important part of the process of spiritual alignment.
There is no end goal, like if you do this a certain number of times, then you’ve reached spiritual enlightenment. No, it’s a state of being that ebbs and flows, and on some days we do better at it than others.
But it can be easier with the right tools and the right support from the people around us.
If you struggle with irrational fears of abandonment too, I have a step by step visualization for addressing the abandoned child within you and giving her the attention she so craves.
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With love and moonlight.