Many women who have experienced early trauma tend to over-develop their inner masculine. Why? Because their inner feminine needed protecting.
Do you have a hard time identifying with feminine softness, playfulness, vibrancy, eroticism, ecstatic joy, vulnerability, and beautifully chaotic wildness?
Each of us has an inner feminine and an inner masculine, regardless of gender or romantic preference.
We balance these, embodying each at different times depending on context – like work vs romantic relationships.
After experiencing trauma, we may no longer feel safe enough to explore our unbounded creativity, our free spirit, our vibrant joyfulness – many inner feminine characteristics.
Our femininity craves safety and boundaries, so that we can fully embody her uninhibited softness and vibrant life energy.
And so we seek to create that safety. And that is something the inner masculine is great at.
Our inner masculine energy is the protector, the provider, the rule follower, the achiever, the leader, and the creator of stability.
We thrive on a healthy balance of both of these energies. Both within ourselves and in group dynamics.
But when the fearful, traumatized little girl turns to her inner masculine to protect her from her surroundings or perceived surroundings, she may also outcast her inner feminine.
Shun the wild child within, shutting her in a box or a closet, and losing the key.
She may even look down on those feminine characteristics as irresponsible, juvenile, not smart enough, or not good enough.
Unfortunately, this is what our American culture has taught many of us.
And then we wake up one day, as adult women, safe and somewhat successful, but so tired and bored with life. Disconnected and apathetic.
How do we awake from this slumber?
How do we stop hoping some future life change will bring us the happiness we’ve been waiting for?
How do we feel alive again?
The truth is that vibrant, creative, passionate, sensual, wild woman is STILL WITHIN YOU. She never left.
She just was hidden away in your psyche, suppressed, shunned or forgotten.
But she continued to grow under the surface. From wild child to wild woman. And she is accessible to you, right now.
Where do we find the key? By allowing ourselves to try even though we aren’t guaranteed it will work. By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable.
Try finding something that lights you up.
Try something you desire even if it’s a little irrational. Rational logic is the domain of the masculine but vibrant passion is the juicy feminine.
Try playing or dancing or gardening or body painting or growling. Try LAUGHING.
Try something that doesn’t make sense but is fun – TO YOU!
Try bending a rule or two.
And if these are too difficult, then you may want to follow the roots down to when you abandoned your inner feminine and love your inner child and process that trauma.